To Heal a Broken Heart
by singer154
Summary: Lily Evans has always been the goe to girl, the strong one. But what happens when some devastating news turns her world upside down?While she tries to be strong for everyone else, who will be there to heal her broken heart?
1. Chapter 1: Blind run

Author's note: Hi guys! I've been toying with this idea for a few weeks, and have decided to write it. It's my first Harry potter fan fic, so please read and review.  
and, with that, I hope you enjoy.  
Disclaimer: It's two in the morning, and I'm too tired to think of a more creative way to say that I don't own anything Harry Potter related.

To heal a broken heart

Summary: Lily Evans has always been the goe to girl, the strong one. But what happens when some devastating news turns her world upside down?While she tries to be strong for everyone else, who will be there to heal her broken heart?

Chapter one:  
A blind run

There was a spring in my step as I walked into King's Cross station, dragging my trunk behind me, my owl's cage perched precariously on top. I was more than ready to take on my sixth year at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. Not even a chance early meeting with James Potter could bring me down.

"Hello Lily," his voice was as confident as it had always been… Arrogant toad. "Listen, I was just wondering-"

"Can we just skip this?"

"Why whatever do you mean?" he asked innocently. My smile didn't faulter as I answered.

"You're going to ask me out, I'm going to say no. Give it up Potter."

"Never," he said grinning, and walked away. Probably off to find those friends of his. They're all in it together you know. But as this was a routine occurrence for me, I remained excited. But I seemed to be the only one in good spirets these days. Petunia had already left for her fancy new boarding school, and mum and dad had been insane lately. They were fighting constantly, honestly, I didn't know how much more of this I could take. It was getting harder and harder to play peace maker, and my parents' rows were becoming far too frequent.

Mum and dad were looking as moody as ever as we made our way through the hustle and bustle of the train station. They followed me as I tore through the barrier to platform nine and three quarters.

"Well, this is it," I said cheerfully.

"Lily…" My mum seemed to speak with great unease. "We need to talk."

"About what?" I asked, shifting nervously from foot to foot.

"Well… Lily," my dad began. "We… Your mother and I…"

"Spit it out dad," I said with a giggle, slightly amused at his apparent loss for words.

"Well dear," my mum cut in. "Your father and I have been fighting a lot lately." As if I hadn't noticed.

"I know it's been hard," I said. "But you guys can work it out. I just know it."

"Well, Lily, I'm not so sure we can." I stared incredulously at my mother.

"Of course you can!" I said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Your mother and I have thought about this a great deal honey, and we've decided that we… Well, we're going to get a divorce."

"What? NO!"

"I'll be staying here, in London, and your father says he's moving to the states, so you'll have a nice place to spend half your Holidays."

"Don't you get it?" I asked. "I don't want to split the holidays!"

"Lily, sweetheart,"

"NO!" I screamed in my mother's face. "Just stop!"

"Lily," my father interjected. "I don't like your tone."

"My tone?" I shrieked. "You don't like my tone!" I was losing my cool, and fast.

"Lily," my mother said in a hushed voice, willing me to calm down.

"YOU GAVE UP!" My voice broke as I said it, my emotions ris8ing. I'd never spoken to my parents this way before, but I couldn't help it.

"Lily!" My father's voice boomed, his features stern. I drew in a deep breath, to stop myself from screaming, and exhaled it slowly.

"Screw this," I spat venomously, my voice dangerously low. "I'm out of here." I turned and ran, closing my eyes tightly against the onslaught of tears threatening to fall. I couldn't do this, I couldn't break.. Not here, not now. Looking back on it, running through a crowded train station with my eyes closed, probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. I could hear my parents bickering in my wake, and paused, eyes still shut to listen.

"You wanted to be the one to tell her," my mother was pointing out.

"How was I to know she'd react this way?"

"You should have known she wouldn't take it well."

"I didn't think-"

"At all," my mum cut in. "Nice going Sherlock."

"You have a daughter." The voice was one I knew all too well.

"Excuse me?" No, it couldn't be.

"Well, I know it's none of my business, but Lily ran off without her luggage," That's what I had forgotten. Damn. "And she looked pretty upset. I don''t know what's going on. I just thought that maybe… " He hesitated. "you should stop bickering, and try talking to her." Could it be? Had it really happened? Had James Potter really just… No, NO! None of this was real. It was a dream. That's it, all a dream. I squeezed my eyes tighter, and ran for it. Faster and faster I ran, still fighting hard to keep in the raging emotion that was screaming for release, until… SMACK! I crashed into something hard.

I stumbled backward, sure that at any second I'd be hitting the ground. But before that could happen, I heard a thud, and a pair of strong arms surrounded me. My eyes flew open, and I blinked back the tears to look up into the face of my savior… James Potter? My breath caught in my throat.

"You all right there Lily?"

"Oh… Um…" I spluttered. "Yeah, thanks."

"No problem. You know, you should really consider walking with your eyes open."

"Yeah," I said dejectedly, not bothering to come up with a witty retort. James looked at me for a moment, his eyes holding a kind of softness that I had never seen there, nor had I expected it. Not from Potter at least. At that moment, I couldn't help but noticing how gorgeous those hazel eyes really were. NO! BAD LILY! You do not like Potter. Even though he is being uncharacteristically sweet.

He looked reluctant to drop his arms from around me, but he did so nevertheless.

"Sorry about the crash," James… er Potter said.

"It's okay," I replied. "It wasn't your fault."

"Well, it was either me or the wall," James said smiling. "Wasn't exactly sure which one you would have chosen, but…" I looked around curiously, and noticed that James… Er… Potter, was the only thing standing between me and a brick wall.

"Oh," I said, my cheeks reddening. "Thanks."

"Oh, and Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"You forgot this," he said, indicating one of the trunks beside him. My trunk, the owl's cage still balanced on top. Looking from it, to James, I guessed that he must have dropped our luggage to catch me when I fell. My cheeks grew an even deeper shade of crimson.

"Thanks… again." With a bit of difficulty, I picked up my things, and began to walk toward the Hogwarts express.

"Lily," James' call stopped me mid step. "Are you okay?"

"Me? Of course."

"Are you sure?" I had begun walking again, and James was beside me in seconds.

"I'm fine," I said, giving him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. He didn't seem convinced though.

"At least let me take these for you,"he offered gallantly.

"No, it's okay, really. I-" But before I could protest further, my luggage was lifted from my arms, with much more ease than was normal for a boy already carrying bags of his own. I supposed it was all the muscles he had, acquired, perhaps from playing so much quid ditch. They did look mighty good rippling on his arms as he carried our things… NO! NO, LILY NO! YOU CAN'T THINK THAT WAY! This isn't just some ordinary guy. IT'S POTTER! Or… not? He was carrying my bags, hadn't played a single prank on me yet today,maybe he had grown up some over the summer? And I had to admit, he looked exceptionally good in those jeans. Can't let him know that though. No need to inflate the boy's head any more, if it gets any bigger, Ithink it might explode.

Authors note: So, what did you think? Reviews would be much appreciated. THEY MAKE MY DAY! And I like to try to reply to all of them, because I love getting replies when I review.  
Anyway, hope you liked it.  
Don't forget to review… You know you want too!

XoXo  
Annie


	2. Chapter 2: Breakdown

Authors note: Hey guys! I can't believe how much you all liked it. I didn't expect so many reviews. YOU ALL ROCK! Okay so... being sick kinda sucks, and I think I am, but whatever. Enough of my ranting, I know what you all want, so here's the next chapter, hope you like it!!!!

Chapter 2:

Breakdown

James and I walked to the already crowded Hogwarts express together. We looked around, but all the compartments we passed were filled to the brim with people. Sirius Black, Peter Petigrew, and Remus Lupin, James' partners in crime, resided in a compartment with Malory parker, my own best friend.

"There you are mate," Sirius said enthusiastically, "I wondered where you'd gotten off too." He looked from James and his extra set of baggage, to me and my noticeably empty arms, and smiled slyly at him. He shook his head in an 'it's not what you're thinking' kind of way. Sirius looked like he was going to respond, but he never had the chance.

"Lily!" squealed Malory, seeing me for the first time. "I've missed you so much!"

I forced a smile, trying to put aside the events that had just taken place.

"Come on in," said Peetter, his mouth full of candy. . "We'll make room."

"So how are you Lily?" Remus asked, smiling. He had always been the most tollerable of the 'Marauders' Hmm, what a weird name.

"...Good," I replied, and saw James giving me a sideways glance. I watched for a moment as the boys tried to shift their luggage in the overhead compartments, and make more room in the seats, before James grinned.

"I think it's a lost cause Mate," he said to Sirius who was busy trying to perform an extending charm on his seat, and failing miserably.

"Yeah," I agreed. "there's no way we're going to fit in here with you guys." Malory looked slightly disappointed. "I'll see you later Mal," I assured her. "And besides, we've got to do the whole prefect thing soon anyway." I couldn't help but smile at James' puzzled look. He should have known this, he was, after all, a prefect as well. Though how that happened is still a mystery to me. "You know, patrolling the corridors?"

"Oh, right." he said. "I'm just glad we don't have to go to that Prefect meeting again this year."

"I know," I agreed. Wait, was I actually agreeing with Potter?

"Have you ever heard someone talk so much as Jay Dansforth did last year?" I shook my head, remembering the meeting with last year's head girl and boy.

"Even I almost nodded off." I admitted.

"Really?" A wide grin had spread across James' face. "You? Lily Evans, almost caught a wink in a prefect meeting?" I rolled my eyes.

"Tell anyone and I'll deny it," I said harshly, and he chuckled softly. "Guess we should go find a compartment then. Put our things down."

"Oh yeah," James said, shifting the mound of luggage in his arms. "Our things, right. I'd almost forgotten about those." I reached over in an attempt to grab my stuff, but he pushed my hand away. "See you lot later," he said, sliding the compartment door shut. As we walked along the train, I couldn't believe that I'd be sharing a compartment with James Potter the whole ride. And what was worse, I wasn't exactly dreading it. Not rejoicing of course, but it was a start... right? We finally found an empty compartment at the end of the train.

"Well," James said. "Here we are."

"Looks like it." I said, as James set the Luggage in the overhead rack, breathing heavily. This was the first strain he'd shown under the heavy weight of what he'd been holding.

I sat down silently beside the window, and gazed through it. James sat across from me. His parents were beaming and waving. His mother looked in, giving me a smile. It was almost as if she knew me, or at least recognized me... Hmm. I returned her smile meekly, and she winked slightly at James as if she knew something I didn't. But he shook his head sadly, and glanced meaningfully at me. My mum and dad were there as well, waving and smiling and mouthing the words 'Goodbye LILY' 'I'll miss you' and 'I love you', gestures which I did not return. I could tell James thought this odd, by the expression I caught on his face from the corner of my eye, but I paid no mind. I just continued to stare, my face pressed against the glass. My parents grew smaller and smaller, as the train pulled away, but tears soon blurred my vision. I could see the mist from the rain that was beginning to fall. I felt like I was in some sort of depressing scene ripped from a novel. Everything I had bbeen trying to block out was hitting me again.

I sniffled involuntarily, and I could feel James' eyes on me.

"Lily?" he asked tentatively.

"I'm fine!" I snapped, not looking up. He drew in a deep breath, but said nothing more. A silent minute passed, in which I realized that I had just bitten James' head off for no apparent reason. Normally I wouldn't have felt bad about such a thing, I mean, after all the stuff James has done to innocent people... To me? But today I felt bad. I sighed deeply, wiping my eyes, and lifting my face from the glass. "Sorry," I said quietly.

"It's okay," he replied, staring into my usually green eyes, now red and Puffy..

"What?" I asked. "No, 'Evans is actually apologizing"' cracks?"

"Not today," he retorted. "Maybe later, but not today. You just don't look like you're in a condition to deal with it at the moment." His eyes lingered on me, and there it was, that softness that I'd noticed minutes earlier at King's cross.

"LILY?"

"hmm?"

"What's going on?"

"Noth--"

"Don't tell me that it's nothing!" he said loudly, and my eyes widened in surprise. "Sorry," he said. "It's just... It takes a lot to make a girl like you cry at all. And you look... broken." His hand came to rest on mine, as I struggled to fight back the tears. Could I really tell him any of this? This was POTTER we were talking about here! Would he even get it at all?

"You have a daughter," the words echoed in my head as I remembered how he had so boldly stood up to my parents. I knew it was him, there was no mistaking that voice, just like everything else about the boy in question, it was distinct. I drew in a deep breath.

"My parents are getting divorced." I said finally.

"Oh, Lily." He gave my hand a squeeze. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah," I said, my voice cracking. "Mee too." I was desperate now, taking in shakey, unsteady breaths, willing myself not to break down, again. I was weak, this emotion made me so. I had never been weak, and I couldn't start now. Thank god no one was here to see this. No one, that is, except him. James potter. This was not good. It could give him license to ridicule me for the rest of my life. Yet, sitting here, his hand on mine, I knew he wouldn't. I don't know why, but I felt so... secure. The tears came pouring like rain, my body trembling violently. James looked hesitant for a moment, then rushed to the seat beside me, sliding his arms around me. I sobbed into his shoulder, and he rubbed comforting circles on my back. The sweet nothings he whispered in my ear calmed me. "Shh. Lily don't cry. It's all right. It'll be okay."

"Really?" I asked. "Somehow I'm not so sure."

"It may not seem like it now, but you'll get through this." Was this really happening? Was James really being so... sweet? And... Amazing. I didn't even blink, fearing that if I did, this would all fade away.

"How do you know?" James looked at me for a long moment before responding.

"Because you're strong, and beautiful, and amazing." The last tear made its way down my cheek, before they subsided completely.

"After the way I acted just now, you can't really believe that?"

"Oh," James said, stroking my hair. "But you have no idea." I didn't know what to say. I just sat there, reveling in the feeling of safety, breathing in James' scent, which, for some reason or another smelled intoxicatingly good. I had no desire to move. I don't think James wanted too either. My body was calm, my breathing had slowed, and my head lay on James' shoulder. He took my hand in his, stroking the skin gently with his fingertips. I didn't want to move, to speak. I wanted to stay in this moment forever.

But nothing lasts forever.

"Hey! There you too are!" yelled Janet balmberry, a fellow prefect, as she slid the compartment door open. My body tensed as her eyes fell upon us, but neither jumped away from the other. "Are you too intending on performing your prefect duties? Just because you didn't have to attend the meeting doesn't mean you shouldn't have you know. And you cannot advocate your responsabilities."

"Yeah," James answered, subtly tightening his grip on me. "We'll get right on that."

"Good!" Janet said in a huff. "If I don't see the two of you out there soon, I'll report you." She gave us a murderous look before slamming the door shut behind her.

"If I don't see the two of you out there soon, I'll report you." James mocked, and I laughed softly.

"I suppose we'd better go then." I said regretfully. James sighed.

"Guess we'd better." I wiped my eyes, and we set off together to patrol the corridors.

Authors note: So? What did you guys think???!!!

Hate it? Love it? Please review...? Please? (Makes puppydog face) C'mon, YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T RESIST THOSE EYES! LOL!

Hope you enjoyed.

XOXOXO

Annie


	3. Chapter 3: The lost first year

Authors note: Hi guys! I'm back! Miss me? Lol. Anyway, sorry it took so long, but things have been crazy lately. Four AP classes and two plays is a lot to juggle!

Anyway, thank you all sooooooooo much for all your reviews! They make me feel warm and fuzzifull inside! Woooohoooo!

Okay, so, I don't normally do this, but I'm going to reccomend a fan fic to you. It's called "Sounds like a plan" and it's by KatieddCupcake, and it's absolutely amazing! It's about James and Lily. I think it might be in my profile under favorite stories, otherwise, a link to her profile is on the reviews page for this fic. She's already written five amazing chapters, and has only managed to gain two loyal reviewers. I know that all you fanfic writers out there know just how frustrating a lack of reviews can be! It's really worth checking out, and I know she'd love some more feedback. So, I just figured I'd put that out there for because I know I have such amazing reviewers!

Okay, here it is. What you've all been waiting for. Dun dun dun!!!

Disclaimer: Me no own Nada!

Chapter 3: The lost first year

By the time we arrived at hogsmeade station, I was in good spirits. I found myself enthralled in an actual conversation with James Potter... Who knew? I began struggling with my luggage in the rack overhead, but before I could get too far, James took it from my hands. I sighed, as he grabbed his own as well. I proceeded to take the two owls cages, which looked quite in danger of clattering to the ground. Then it occurred to me. I pulled out my wand, and wordlessly pointed it at the two trunks, which swooped gracefully from James' hands, and floated in front of him.

"How did you do that?" asked James, looking awe struck.

"Silent incantation," I replied. "We'll be learning them this year."

"I know what they are but... you already know how to do them?" I found myself feeling surprisingly giddy that James saw this as such an accomplishment.

"I've been studying over the summer, but this is the first chance I've had to try it out. It's not that hard, really. You just have to recite the spell in your head. Just think it, and it happens." I made the bird cages float alongside the trunks.

"You're brilliant you are. You know that?" I didn't respond, but blushed profusely. I held my wand out at arms length to keep our things moving ahead of us as we exited the train. We walked through the sea of students in search of a carriage to take us to hogwarts. We managed to find one near the end of the back row.

"Hey!" shouted a breathless Sirius, coming up behind us. "Wait up!" He soon fell into step with James and I. His eyes fell upon our floating luggage.

"Whoa," he said, looking flabbergasted.

"Lily" James said in answer to Sirius' questioning look, and he flashed a brilliant smile in my direction. Sirius, James and I squeezed into the carriage with our things.

"So Evans," Sirius began. "How did you..."

"Shh!" I spat harshly.

"what?" he demanded, his face contorted in confusion. "I was just trying to..."

"SHHHH!" Now, James was looking at me indignantly, probably in regards to how I'd just cut off his best friend... So loyal. "Do you hear that?" I whispered, straining to listen over the chatter of students.

"What?" asked James, looking befuddled.

"It sounds like... crying," I said.

"I don't hear it," said James.

"Me either. Are you going mad?" asked Sirius. "All those chocolate covered cherries finally gone to your head?" Curse him for bringing up, at a time like this, my not so secret addiction to the juicy, sugary sweet... Where was I going with this again? Oh! Right, crying. "It's all right Lily, we're here to help-"

"Shut up Black, I'm serious!"

"Really? I thought I was sirius..." I didn't wait for Black to finish. I had been wildly scanning the thick crowd, and had spotted a lonely, scared looking little girl leaning against a nearby tree. I jumped out, and approached her cautiously. She didn't notice me. She looked utterly desperate, her head in her hands. "Hello," I said gently. The small, blonde haired girl must have jumped five feet into the air. "I'm sorry I startled you."

"It's okay," she squeaked, swatting at the tears falling from her eyes.

"I'm Lily," I said, "What's your name?"

"Violet," squeaked the girl.

"Wow," I began. "Looks like we already have something in common. We both share our names with flowers." Violet gave a slight nod, but said nothing. "Well, violet, can I ask you what's wrong?" Violet was crying harder than ever now.

"I was s-s-supposed to g-g-go with that r-r-really b-big m-m-man, and-and" Violet was sobbing uncontrollably now, her body shaking so badly that she could barely stand. I gently pealed her from the tree she was leaning on, and hugged the near hysterical girl. Big man? Big man...

"Hagrid?" I asked, rubbing comforting circles on her back. "You're a first year, aren't you?"

"Y-yes," she said, beginning to quiet. "He said for first years to follow him, I was one of the last ones left on the train. And when I was getting off I... I tripped and fell. By the time I had all my things together again, they were go-go-gone!" Violet began to sob once more.

"It's okay," I said consolingly, patting the small girl's back lightly. "It'll be all right."

"But, but..."

"Listen," I began. "You can ride with us," I said gesturing toward the coach, where James and Sirius sat watching. "Once we get to Hogwarts, I'll take you to the rest of the first years."

"Really?" asked Violet in such a small voice that it was hardly audible. I smiled softly.

"Lily, come on!" yelled James from the coach.

"Really. Now come on, let's go, before the carriages leave." I brushed a final stray tear from Violet's cheek.

"Lily?"

"yes?"

"Thank you."

"No problem," I said, and for the first time, I saw her smile. From the corner of my eye, I saw some of the carriages beginning to edge forward. I took Violet's hand, and together, we dashed toward our carriage, just as it began to move. And, in a flash, James leapt from the carriage, Sirius close at hand. In one fluid motion, James swept Violet and I into his arms, while Sirius grabbed her trunk. They bounded to the moving carriage, and jumped in, falling onto the seats as it gathered speed. A silent moment passed, and my cheeks flushed crimson as I realized the awkward position James and I had found ourselves in. He had fallen backward onto one of the seats, and I was lying, spread eagled on top of him. I moved myself slowly off of James, and he sat up.

"Thanks for that," I said, in an attempt to break the piercing silence that had fallen.

"Yeah... er... No problem."

"No problem? No problem! Are you mad, Evans?" Sirius demanded. "What were you thinking?"

"This," I said, paying no mind to Sirius' outburst. "is Violet." I looked toward the shy eleven year old for the first time since we'd entered the coach. She was sitting beside Sirius, atop her trunk, squirming uncomfortably. "She's a first year,"

"But-" Sirius attempted to interject.

"She missed the boats," I explained. "I'll take her to the rest of the first years when we get to Hogwarts." I leant forward, and pulled Violet, who was teetering prechariously atop the trunk, onto my lap.

"Hey Violet," said James kindly, ruffling her hair. "I'm James."

"Hi," she squeaked shyly.

"And that over there's Sirius," he said, gesturing to the boy across from him, who didn't respond. He simply stared, dumfounded for some apparent reason, from James to Violet to me, and back again. "He's just jealous," James said in mock whisper.

"Why?" asked Violet.

"Because I'm more handsome than he is." James said jokingly, and Violet giggled.

"He wishes," retorted Sirius.

"Oh?" James said. "Lets just take this outside then shall we?" Violet laughed, obviously becoming more comfortable. James gave her a soft smile,. I observed him in utter amazement. He really was quite good with kids.

The rest of the ride passed quickly, and before I knew it, we had arrived in front of the grand castle that is Hogwarts. Violet looked on in awe.

"Breath taking, isn't it?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's beautiful. And so... so big." Sirius grinned.

"Remember feeling like that, prongs?" James smiled knowingly.

"You'll get used to it. I was a little scared at first too." I looked at James shocked, remembering how cocky he had been that first day five years previous.

"You?"

"You seem surprised."

"It's just that... when I met you that first day, it didn't seem like..." I let my thought trail.

"Please!" scoffed Sirius. "You should've seen the look on Prongs' face when we first glimpsed this place."

"Padfoot," James said warningly. Then, at my questioning look "My whole family are wizards. They've all gone to Hogwarts, so I knew what to expect but... But the first sight, it's just... wow. It's bigger and better than..." he trailed off.

"Anything you could have imagined." I finished for him.

"Yeah." We piled out of the carriage, and prepared to make our way up to the castle. "Come on Violet," I said, taking her hand. "We'll go find the rest of the first years. I'll meet up with you guys in the great hall," I said over my shoulder.

"Later Lils," James called as Violet and I began to walk. I could hear the fading voices of James and Sirius, a short ways behind us.

"What're you thinking about prongs?"

"Huh?"

"You've got that dreamy look on your face."

"Oh, right. I was just thinking."

"I gathered as much," said Sirius, and even without looking, I could tell that he was rolling his eyes.

"Lily would make a good mum, don't you think Padfoot?"

"Wha- Oh..." Sirius said slowly. "I'm sure you'd like to indulge in the Creative process' that usually preceeds the stage of motherhood, wouldn't you prongs?" I could've slapped him, James too, if that was what was going on in that big head of his.

"What? No! Not like that. I just mean, she's really good with kids."

"Prongs..."

"Yeah mate?" "You've got it bad..."

Authors note: So? What d you think? Hate it? Love it? Feedback is appreciated!

I hope you enjoyed, I worked really hard on this chapter. And I've got a much better idea of where this story's going. Now all I have to do is get it there! YAY! Anyway, if you're still reading this, that can only mean one thing. You've come this far, so there's only one more thing left to do. Review! Pwetty pwease, with chocolate covered cherries on top? Hope you liked it!

XOXOXO

Annie


	4. Chapter 4: The Stuff Of Dreams

Authors note: Hey everyone! I know, I know. It's been forever. Not that it's an excuse, but I've kinda been sick all week, and still going to school... not fun!

Anyway, thank you guys soooooo much for all your wonderful reviews!!! I had no idea so many people would like it. You guys make me feel warm and fuzziful!

So, here's what you've been waiting for... the next chapter... enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, it belongs to J K... though I wish I owned James. Sigh. A girl can dream.

Chapter 4: The stuff of dreams

I plopped down in one of the squashy armchairs by the crackling fire, staring down into the flames.

"Hey lils," Malory said, flopping down beside me.

"Hey." I responded, not looking up. Silence rang for a moment between the two of us. The red embers and glowing coals seemed to draw me in, and I wished I could lose today in them. Well, not all of today exactly. I'd seen a side of James Potter that I didn't know existed. It was actually, kind of cute... No! Lily, no! You don't like James Potter. Maybe you can be friends... maybe. But anything more than that...

"Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"Is something wrong?" I sighed. I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to forget.

"No," I said hesitantly. "Nothing..." A twinge of guilt overcame me just then. How could I have told James Potter, and not her, Malory Parker, my best friend. She glanced at me sceptically, and I sighed again, speaking slowly. "My parents... are getting... a divorce."

"Oh my god, Lils," Malory was up in an instant, her arms flung around me in a much needed hug. "I'm so sorry. When did you find out?"

"At kings cross. Just before we got on the train."

"Oh, lils, you must be so confused."

"Yeah," I said. "And that's not even the half of it." I launched into a detailed explanation of exactly what had happened. With my parents, and with James. By the time I'd finished, most of the crowd had dissipated from the gryffindor common room.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIILY!!!!" Malory squealed.

"What?" I asked, in a bewildered tone. How could she do our traditional happy squeal at a time like this? She giggled, but at my expression seemed to know what I was thinking. "It was sweet, James, I mean. He was sweet."

"Yeah," I admitted slowly."He was."

"Do you think maybe you might...?" She was _not_ thinking what I thought she was thinking... was she? "Like him?" Why did I know she would say that?

"No," I said quietly. "No!" The confidence in my speech was increasing now. "MALS, I don't. Not like you think, anyway."

"right," her eyes were shining, but she said no more on the subject. "It's getting late." Malory commented. "I'm going up to bed, you coming?"

"You go," I answered.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a bit." And she was gone. And I was alone, darkness surrounding me. I returned my gaze to the fire still blazing in the hearth. I wondered in those stolen moments of silence, what exactly it was about fire that fascinated us so. Yes, it's strong, beautiful even. But you can never really get too close, because if you do, you get burnt. When the flames dance and sparkle like they do, everybody thinks they're pretty. Until they gets a chance to touch them, the facade unravels and they see that they're just hot, harsh, destructive, _not_ beautiful. Maybe that's what I was to James. A flame. I knew, if he got too close, he'd soon wonder what had attracted him in the first place. And besides, what could be said for love anyway? I mean, just look at Mum and Dad, I thought their love was stronger than anything I knew. And I see where that's gotten them. It was better, I mused, to stay at a distance, where the fire was close enough to admire, but not close enough to hurt.

A single tear rolled down my cheek, and I brushed it away none too gently. But it did no good. Once the dam broke, there was nothing stopping the stream of angry tears that followed the first. I swiped at them angrily, but for every tear I trounced, there were ten to take its place.

--------------------------------

His arms encircled me. I felt strong, secure, like this was where I was always meant to be. My head was resting on his strong chest, god, quidditch had been good to him. He ran a hand through his messy black hair, then set it on top of mine. His calloused fingers traced my skin, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I leant further into him, his eyes sparkled with something I'd never seen before, and I nearly lost my breath. My heartbeat quickened as his arms drew me closer to him. I noticed that his lips were just inches from my own. "James," my voice was barely above a whisper. "Lily." His voice was fading as it echoed through my head.

"Lily, lily, Lily." The distant echo seemed to be gaining clarity. "lily, Lily. Liiiiiily."

"Mmm." I groaned. "Five more minutes." Wait, what was he doing here? My eyes flew open, to see James Potter kneeling on the floor beside me. I was curled up in an armchair in the dark gryffindor common room.

"Hey," James said softly, brushing a few strands of hair from my tear stained face. I jerked into a sitting position, and James sighed, standing up, and repositioning himself in the armchair Malory had vacated hours ago.

"What time is it?" I asked sleepily.

"It's three in the morning, lily. You should probably get to bed."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You okay lils?"

"Sure," I lied. He gave me the same look Malory had given me earlier... maybe it was something in the armchair, but I doubted it. "I am. I just... had a weird dream, that's all." It wasn't a total lie, just a partial truth. The dream was at the forefront, but there were other things in the back of my mind. I knew that, but James didn't have too, did he? Even though he looked like he already had a pretty good idea. I stood, feeling like I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. "I'm going to get some sleep." I looked pointedly at James. "You probably should too."

"Yes mam," James said, soluting me. I laughed softly. "It's good to see you smiling." James commented. I'm sure that, even in the darkness, James noticed the flush of color that crept into my cheeks.

"Thanks," I said a little awkwardly. "Well, goodnight then."

"Goodnight Lily," James said, standing up as well. We made our way to our prospective staircases. It wasn't until I reached the second step that I realized there was something I had to do.

"James wait!" I said, hopping to the carpetted floor from the second step.

"Yes?" James asked, walking toward me.

"I just wanted to say... er... thanks." James looked as if he had done nothing worthy of being thanked. For someone so arrogant, he certainly could be modest. Damn contradictions. "For today I mean..." I clarified. "For everything." Then he was coming closer, closer, much too close. What was he doing? Was he going to snogg me or something? After everything that went on today, I thought we'd gotten past that. But I was surprised when he pulled me into a gentle embrace, and even more surprised to find myself hugging him back.

"No problem, my Lily Flower." James whispered into my hair. I threw him an exasperated look, he knows I hate that pet name, and he grinned, as we went our separate ways.

When I reached my dormitory, all was silent. The other girls were all asleep. So I changed into my warm, fuzzy pajamas, and crawled into my comfy four poster bed. Ah, I missed this bed. Come to think of it, I missed everything about this castle. And, mulling over the events of today, and thoughts of the dream, and what it could, and couldn't mean, I fell into a much needed slumber.

Authors mote: So? What do you think? Good, bad, indifferent? Let me know! Push that marvolous little button, and submit a review. Come on, you know you want too! Anywan, thank you all sooooo much for reading and reviewing, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Much love:

Annie


	5. Chapter 5: Dreams are for sleeping

Author's note: Hi guys!!

I'm so so sorry to have kept you all waiting. I hope you haven't forgotten about this fic!

I've been so crazy busy. (4 AP classes, and my SAT's, all in the first week of may... not fun!) And it drained me, plus stupid stuff like life, and school, kept getting in the way. GRRR life and school!! I'd like to say thanks to all my fabulous reviewers. I appreciate it so much... you have like, no idea.

Well, enough of my rambling. On with the STORY!!

ENJOY!

Disclaimer: Not J. K. Enough said.

Chapter five:

Dreams are for sleeping.

"Lily," James whispered in my ear. The rain was falling hard all around us, but none of that seemed to matter at the present.

"James... don't. Please..."

"If that's what you want, Lily." His arms fell from around me, and I was suddenly very aware of the droplets that pelted me. and I felt cold... very cold. I shivered violently. God, I was soaked. How long had I been out here?

Then I felt something around my shoulders, and realized, that James was standing, soaking wet, in a short sleaved t-shirt. God. He was hot when he was wet. His black hair was plastered to his face, and now, though he tried to hide it, I could see him shivering violently.

"James..." I protested, beginning to slide out of his jacket. "No." But his hands were on my shoulders, holding me back.

His body was now shaking so hard with the cold that just his hands on my shoulders made mine move along with it. And all I could think, was how I wanted that to stop; I didn't want him to suffer anymore. I held my arms out for him, but James didn't move. He just stood, facing me, hands still on my shoulders... god was he always this stubborn? So I did the only thing I could think of; I leaned forward, into him, wrapping my arms around his body and pulling myself closer. I hoped, that somehow, even though I was soaked, too, this would bring him warmth.

Then, his arms were around me, and he was holding on, tight. He was close... too close, but I wasn't exactly complaining. I averted my eyes though, looking down. God, I could practically see right through his soaked shirt, to his well-muscled abs. Okay, Lily, I told myself. That did not help your cause.

NOT HELPING!! I practically screamed in my head before I could pull my eyes away. But looking up didn't help me, either. James was smirking... god, that is so freaking infuriating... and sexy... Lily, no! Bad Lily, BAD LILY!!

But even worse than that, was the intense look in his eyes. It showed none of the arrogance that I usually associated with JAMES. He actually looked, kind of... vulnerable. Wow. That's a first. His hazel eyes bore into my green ones, and I totally melted. I couldn't help it. Whatever willpower I thought I had, vanished, just like that.

"Lily?" James whispered, and I knew what he wanted.

"Yes." I told him in answer.

And his lips were on mine, so warm and reassuring. The feeling was... amazing; it was like nothing I had ever felt before. I felt his calloused fingers tracing the back of my neck as we kissed. I leaned in closer, and he tightened his grip. I knotted my fingers in his hair, and we deepened the kiss. All too soon, we had to pull away for air. I leaned my head against his rock hard chest, gasping for air.

"I love you," James said softly, running his fingers through my hair.

"I love you, too."

I took in a sharp breath, throwing my body into an upright position. Throwing the tangled sheets off myself, I sprang up like something had burned me.

I glanced at the clock; it was 5:30. So much for sleeping.

"What... the hell... was that?" I whispered, gasping. I hurriedly changed into my robes and bounded silently down the stairs. I stopped just shy of bursting into the gryffindor common room. I could hear conversation, and I distinctly recognized the voices of Potter and Black.

"So, prongs?" Black sounded irritated. "Why, exactly, did you feel the need to wake me up at such an early hour."

"I..." James hesitated. "I had... I had a dream."

"That's fabulous... I'm going back to bed."

"But padfoot, it was about..."

"I already know who it was about, Prongs. And quite frankly, I'm sick of hearing about your Lily dreams." I had to slap a hand to my mouth to stifle my gasp.

"But this one was different..."

"What? You too finally go all the way or something?" Black snorted. I was gripping the railing so hard my knuckles were turning white; if I didn't restrain myself, I'd have gone and punched Black square in the nose!

"What? No!"

"Then what's the big deal?"

"It was raining." Black groaned. "And she... Lily... was cold... so cold and--

"Look, prongsie, I feel your pain here, all right? But how about, you let me feel it when the sun rises, okay?"

James sighed, and followed Black back up the stairs reluctantly. I stepped off the last stair, and went to sit in one of the comfy armchairs. From the corner of my eye, I saw something move, then, suddenly, violet, the first year I'd helped on the first day two weeks ago, was standing in front of me.

"He likes you!" she squealed. "James likes you!"

"Violet, what are you doing up this early?"

"Couldn't sleep. He likes you, and he's sooooo cute! And you guys would make, like, the perfect couple."

"Violet, how much of that conversation did you hear, anyway?"

"All of it!" she said, clapping her hands excitedly. "So, is he going to be your boyfriend?"

I sighed, gesturing for Violet to sit down beside me.

"It's... complicated," I told her.

"He likes you, and you like him. What's so complicated about that? ... wait, you do like him, don't you?"

"I... I..." I shook my head, trying to clear it. "No!" Then I stopped, taking a deep breath. "I mean, we're friends... that's all Violet. Speaking of which, have you made any friends yet?"

Violet dropped her gaze to the floor.

"No," she said glumly.

"Don't worry," I said, sliding my arm around her tiny shoulders. "You will, soon. I promise."

"How do you know?" Violet asked, confused.

Because, I thought. I'll make sure of it. "I just do. Now, why don't you go back and get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay."

And then I was alone, left to dwell on what had just happened.

It was raining. And she... Lily, was cold... So cold...

Had James had the same dream as me? Nah. I shook the thought from my head quickly, standing up and wandering out of the common room.

I soon found myself at the massive doors that lead into hogwarts. I pushed them open, stepping out into the crisp, cool morning air. The grass was wet with drops of dew that seemed to make it sparkle, and the sun was beginning to push through the clouds. I leaned back against the cool hard building, crossing my arms over my chest and closed my eyes, hoping to forget about that weird dream, and the conversation I'd overheard suggesting that James might have had the same one. I would let my mind wander to other places.

--

"The sun rise is beautiful this morning," I commented.

"Yes," James said, his voice low and warm. Our fingers were intertwined now, and he squeezed my hand. "Almost as beautiful as you, love." My cheeks flushed a crimson red.

"Stop," I whispered, embarrassed.

"Only telling the truth, my lily flower." I sighed contentedly.

--

"Hey, Lily." I jumped. Standing in front of me, was James Potter... god, why did that always happen after I had those weird dreams about him? And... wait. Oh, my god. That wasn't a night dream... it was a daydream, meaning I was fully conscious when I conjured it, meaning I... I... oh, god. No. No no no!! Absolutely not! Out of the question. I do not have a crush on James Potter!!

"Lily?"

"Oh," I said, snapping out of it. "Hey." I decided to act like I hadn't overheard his conversation with Black this morning; it would be much, much easier that way. "What's up?"

"Nothing much, you?"

"Nothing. I just came out here to... think."

"Yeah," he said quickly. "Me, too."

The sky was illuminated as the sun began to come into full view. It was beautiful; the sky was all sorts of different colors. We watched in silence; a silence that was only broken when my stomach growled.

James chuckled. "Breakfast time, lils?"

James and I had been talking for the past two weeks like friends... as in real, normal, friends, who don't hate each other. It was kind of nice, actually.

"Apparently," I said, blushing slightly.

"Come on, then. I'm starved, too."

So we walked into the great hall together, earning a few curious glances; our long time rivalry, and James's unrequited love for me had been a well known fact to the student body of hogwarts since the beginning of first year.

I plopped down on the bench beside him, grabbing a plate and piling it with food. I noticed, down on the other side of the gryffindor table, was a girl of about eleven, sitting alone, stabbing at a bowl of fruit salad with her fork.

I stood up, walking over to her.

"Hi," I said. She looked so sad. "I'm Lily. What's your name?"

"I'm Melissa."

"What's wrong, honey?"

"Nothing..." she sniffled. "I just..."

"You need a friend?" Lily supplied.

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"Lily grinned. "I'm psychic."

"Really?"

"Nope. But I do think I have what you're looking for. I'll be right back."

I dashed up to the common room, and found Violet sitting in an armchair, a book on her lap.

"Hey!" I said. "Come down to breakfast."

"I'm not really hungry." Violet informed me.

"Well, I have someone I want you to meet."

"Okay..." Violet marked her page, folding the book under her arm and stood to follow me.

"Violet," I said, once we'd reached the gryffindor table. I saw Malory standing beside Melissa.

"Brilliant!" she exclaimed, seeing me. "I was just thinking the exact same thing!"

"Violet," I said, "This is Melissa."

"Melissa," Malory said. "This is Violet." "Hi," the two girls said shyly.

"I like your necklace," Violet said to Melissa.

"Thanks. I love your hair. I wish mine was straight. It's always so curly and frizzy."

"Seriously?" Violet asked. "Because I kind of wish I had your Hair, actually."

Malory and I slid away, letting the two girls converse.

"We did it!" Malory said, and we high fived.

I slid back in beside James, where my plate of food was waiting for me. Malory sat next to me. On James's other side, I could see that Black, Remus, and Petigrew had congregated. Remus was the only one of whom I was particularly fond.

Out of the corner of my eye, I glanced at James, and saw him doing the same thing. Once realizing this, we both quickly looked away. I shook off the odd feeling in my stomach. Was that ... butterflies? No. No, absolutely, positively, not a possibility.

I thought back to the dream I'd had last night... his lips felt so warm and comfortable and... and right. NO!

Then, what about the daydream I had this morning? I was completely conscious. What was the deal with that. Did it mean something? No, it couldn't have. I was probably just freaked out about the whole James thing. This was just my mind playing tricks on me, that's all. Nothing more. Right? Of course that was what was going on. I mean, really. I shouldn't have gotten so freaked out. It's just some random fantasy... no, no no. Fantasy was not the right word to describe this. How about... alternate universe. Yes, that was more like it. Only in an alternate reality would James Potter and I ever be more than just friends. Wait... wasn't it just last year that I said the same thing about us being friends? That was just a coincidence, right?

I glanced again at James, who was now fully engrossed in a conversation with Remus and Black.

Yes, it was just a coincidence.

I would not allow myself to have another daydream like that one. Dreams are for sleeping, anyway.

Authors note: So? What did you think? Good? bad? Horid? Let me know. Don't forget to review!!

Thanks for reading!!

Hope you enjoyed!

XOXO

Annie


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